Yeah, the Saints got robbed. You know who else got robbed? Me. And the city of Atlanta. And tens of millions of fans across the world. And if it was possible to rob yourself – so did the NFL.
Sports Illustrated says that this weekend’s Rams vs. Patriots Super Bowl LIII is “the worst possible combination” of teams. I could’a told you that.
As far as fans go, the Rams are the absolute lamest team in the league. La La Land doesn’t give a s**t about football. They’ve lost three NFL teams. Three. Three times, there were not enough fans to keep a football team in LA, and now they have two (teams they stole from cities with actual fans, San Diego and St. Louis. That alone is reason enough to hate their guts.)
But the Rams are playing the Patriots, the team America loves to hate. It’s like making a choice between Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton.
Even the Patriots fans don’t care. They’ve been in the last three Super Bowls, and nine of the last 18. That’s like half. To Patriots fans, the Super Bowl is a regular season game.
I got my first Airbnb Super Bowl inquiry almost a year ago. A couple from France sent me a lovely request to book my Cozy Bedroom In Grant Park – for $39 a night. Why in the hell do they want to book in May for next February? Then I looked at the calendar – Oh, that’s why… the Super Bowl. Nice try, Frenchy.
I’m an Airbnb Superhost with a home that sleeps six and an $8 Uber ride from Mercedes-Benz Stadium, the home of Super Bowl LIII. I was all set for a vacation, one of those things I haven’t had since I left corporate America three years ago.
Then came the worst call in the history of the NFL. The kind of game-changing no-call that could force a ref to go into the witness protection program, like the Cubs fan who interfered with Moises Alou’s foul ball catch that doomed their first pennant title in 70 years.
Sandra Bullock was apparently refereeing the Saints – Rams NFC Championship game and didn’t call interference on the helmet-to-helmet obliteration by the Rams’ Nickell Robey-Coleman against the Saints’ TommyLee Lewis that would have sealed a victory and sent the Saints to the Super Bowl. Even Robey-Coleman thought it was interference. He received a $30,000 fine – for a play with no penalty flag.
So instead of the New Orleans Saints, who’s fans come to Atlanta in droves for meaningless regular season games, we get the Rams. The only team that could be farther from Atlanta, GA would be if there was a team in Alaska or Hawaii.
Pick a team from the playoffs – any team would have been better for Atlanta and the NFL. The Eagles. The Cowboys, who have more fans for Falcons home games than the Falcons do. The Bears, for cryin’ out loud. The Chiefs! My friend Michael drives Uber – he’s had 96 trips this week – and a sum total of ZERO Rams fans.
When I first saw the SAINTS GOT ROBBED! billboards spring up on the I-75 / 85 connector in the middle of Atlanta and heard that someone spent $50K on the six billboards that would run throughout the Super Bowl, like everyone else, I thought, What an insane waste of money by a dumbass fan. Turns out the fan, Matt Bowers, is indeed crazy – like a fox.
Bowers owns Bowers Chevy in New Orleans. Now every WhoDat in the Bayou is blowing up his Facebook page and going to buy their next by-God Chevy from him for life.
I’d blocked out my regular Airbnb room – and its vital income – to make a killing on my whole house. And no one was biting. My realtor friend Stephanie slapped me around and said, Do something about it! Make it exciting! They’re ballers coming to town and you’re 5 minutes from The Cheetah and Magic City! And for cryin’ out loud why do you have a picture of a barstool sitting in the middle of your gorgeous kitchen with no table?
So I put my Falcons flags up, took some new pictures, and turned my Airbnb listing into a SUPER BOWL LIII EXPERIENCE!, with a limo ride to and from the game and Southern style breakfast on game day – both provided by Your Host – yours truly. (Stephanie said my house looked like a dorm room now, and, How could you not know I was kidding about the Cheetah and Magic City – take that crap off your Airbnb listing!)
A record producer named Free from NYC booked my home for five days for a mortgage payment. But if the Saints had been here, I’d be going to Belize. Super Bowl tickets are down, and I’m betting the ratings for Super Bowl LIII are going to be the worst ever.
I realize that most good Falcons fans hate the Saints. Falcons QB Matt Ryan’s father says the only place he refuses to go to watch his son play is New Orleans. But even though they’ve been our biggest rival since both teams came into the NFL in 1966 – I love them. I’ve loved watching Saints fans for decades, strolling down the sidewalks in their black jerseys and beads and twirling their parasols and shouting Who Dat? Who Dat? Who Dat say dey gonna beat dem Saints! as they marched into the old Fulton County Stadium.
And I sure wish I was watching dem WhoDats this week.
Jackson Faw 